Trying To Reach You
by PolaroidAnykid
Summary: Mercedes Jones: Strong, confident, fierce. Apparently, also a great actress and liar extraordinaire. Unbeknown to her, there is one person that will do anything to get passed that façade. ON HIATUS
1. Prologue

_Author's Note: _I promised some people I'd write a Mercedes story and ACTUALLY post it. I'd like to thank the people who gave me their feedback and encouraged me to put it up. Special thanks go out to Rachel for being an awesome Mercedes on tumblr and doing some beta-ing of sorts for this- if you'd like to continue being a beta for this story, I'd love your input.

Right now I'm not sure if I'll keep this story up on ff dot net, because I'm not sure how others will take to it. I'll probably keep writing if more than two people want me to. So this is completely up to you. Just for the first 2 chapters, if you could review and tell me if you want more or have ways to improve my writing, that'd be great. Just for the first 2. After that, I'm fine with you just reading and enjoying.

Before we get to the story, I'd also like to say that this is not how I view Mercedes. Amber Riley is beyond gorgeous and curvy and full-figured fits her.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Glee. If I did, well, we'd see more of Mercedes… more storylines, more songs, more character development.

**Trying To Reach You**

_**Prologue**_

Mercedes stood in front of her full-length mirror; eyes closed, chest heaving, and tears flowing freely down her face. She took a deep breath and slowly opened her eyes, peering through the blurry vision. As she blinked away her tears, the hazy version of herself was replaced with the real thing. Honestly, she'd prefer the hazy version. At least then she couldn't point out the specifics on her body that she despised.

The chocolate-skinned diva put on an act. For everyone. Her friends, family, strangers, even herself. Although, admittedly, she was a stranger to every single one of them; herself included. She always put on a huge smile and pretended that she was fine with who she was. That she was comfortable in her own skin. That she loved being Mercedes Jones.

All lies.

Truth was, she was a joke. She wasn't as confident as everyone thought she was. She thought her skin was a little too dark, her hair was a little too thin, and her body was _a lot _too big. What was even worse, was that her parents knew it as well. On the days where they actually acknowledged that she existed, they pointed out her flaws every chance they got in hopes that she would finally get the hint and do something about it.

Even though she had always told people her parents were nice, loving, caring people; she lied. In actuality, they were some of the worst people Mercedes had ever met. Which was saying a lot, because she's gone to McKinley all of her high school career.

They were rich. Something not many people knew, because Mercedes never bragged about it. She knew that there'd be less chance of people bullying her if she told them...but it didn't seem right because she never got a cent. They had stopped buying her things when she started middle school. The only thing they'd pay for was her schooling. She grew up in a grand estate and she hated it. It made it easier for her parents to forget her existence.

While most kids got allowances, she had to work for her money. Not 'chores around the house' work, but actual work. It was still at her house, considering she wasn't old enough to get a job at the time, but it was actual work.

They had fired their maid, butler, and cook and put Mercedes on the job. Surely, doing all that running around the huge house and bending down to pick things up would make her lose weight. It didn't. Then in the past year, her parents had a baby… and hired her as a nanny.

She hated it. She hated all of it. The fact that she had to pay for _everything_ she owned with money out of her own pocket. The fact that her parents ignored her until they needed her to do something for them. She hated that after all of the diets, excessive exercise, and fat camps they'd sent her to over the years, she was still fat. Worst of all, she hated that, despite all that they put her through, she could never find it in herself to hate her parents.

That was the one thing Mercedes could say wasn't an act. Her inability to hate someone- her inability to be anything but friendly. But that didn't matter in the slightest to the girl because nobody cared about her enough to try to get to know her. They didn't want to be friends with the fat, black chick. She wasn't worth getting to know. Wasn't worth anything at all, really.

Mercedes bit her lip and turned away from her reflection, too ashamed of what she saw to look a moment longer.

That was all going to change. Mercedes wasn't going to be the fat, black chick any longer. She'd still be black, because there's nothing she could really do to change that, but she wouldn't be fat. She was going to be rail thin like the other girls at school. She was going be pretty enough for a guy to find her attractive. And she was going to starve herself to do it.

She had tried that once before and it hadn't worked. Quinn came to her rescue. This time, though. This time it would be different. She was going to stay away from food at all costs. She was going to try to stay away from anyone that could see what she was doing and convince her to stop. Which, unfortunately, meant that she was going to have to stay away from Glee club for awhile. Not the easiest task, but they wouldn't need her anyways. She was only a number. Sure, they knew her name and called themselves her friend, but to Mr. Schue, all she was, was someone who gave them enough members to compete. They could ask Lauren to come back. If it really came down to numbers, they could as Lauren to come back; Mercedes was sure she wouldn't mind stepping in. The glory note she was always given, well, they didn't _need _to do a song with a glory note. If they decided to do one though, surely it would be given to Rachel, even if the girl's already got a solo. According to Rachel, she didn't need anyone else. She could do everything.

Well, she'd have a chance to prove herself because Mercedes wasn't going to be coming to meetings or practices any time soon.

She tiptoed down the stairs, making sure no one in the house could hear her. Despite it being a large house, the sound seemed to carry. A few minutes later she was in her car, ready to start her school day- and the first day of the rest of her life.


	2. Talk To Me

_A/N: _The first chapter. I got a little bit of a writer's block in a few places, and this chapter wasn't beta'd, so excuse any mistakes or rough patches. Also, I'm planning on writing longer chapters from now on, but I'm not sure exactly how that's going to go, so I won't tell you that they will be longer. I'll try, but it won't be a promise.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Glee. Obviously. Or all of the pointless hate on my Mercedes Jones tracked tag on tumblr wouldn't be there.

_**Chapter one: Talk To Me**_

Mercedes didn't meet up with Kurt at school like usual. It hadn't been happening for a few weeks now because Rachel had taken over. She wanted to think they were still best friends. She wanted to, but she couldn't. Rachel had come in and stolen that from her, just like she did everything else in her life.

Rachel got the solos, the attention, the spotlight. Rachel got Finn Hudson.

That was something she never admitted to anyone- being in love with Finn. At first it was just because everyone she knew just had crushes on guys. They were never _in love _with them until after they started going out. She'd seem odd if she told them she was already in love with Finn. She could downplay it and say it was just a crush, but that would be lying, and as a kid she thought lying was wrong. Then, when she got older and gained a little weight, she kept it to herself because she knew people would judge her and tell her straight out it would never happen. At least when she kept it to herself, she didn't have to hear the obvious remarks people would make. After that, it was never really an option to tell. Even if he didn't already have a girlfriend. She would never tell a soul.

Her new friend, Kurt, had told her about his crush on Finn when he came out to her. It made her sad to think that Finn would probably agree to date Kurt before her. Then Rachel made it known that she liked the guy and that he was going to be hers.

Indeed, that's what happened. Rachel got the guy. Skinny ass white girl. That was obviously who Finn would go for. Someone completely opposite of her.

She had found out long ago that guys had a certain type they were searching for; she wasn't it. That was all going to change… starting today.

Mercedes strode through the halls to her first class; head held high. She was still going to have to keep up her façade if she wanted to do this. If they didn't believe she was fine, it would all come crashing down.

When she reached Geometry, she automatically scanned for Kurt. He was the only Glee clubber that was in that class with her. Usually she would talk to him a little before the bell rang-even after he started ditching her for Rachel… but today she was on a mission. This time when she scanned for her former best friend, it was only because she wanted to avoid him. Okay, so maybe she was curious to see if he even noticed that she came in, too.

As she scanned, her eyes met glasz. He _did _notice her come in. Instead of taking the seat next to him as per usual, Mercedes averted her vision to the floor and went to her assigned seat.

"Good morning, class!" Her Geometry teacher, Mr. Riesterer, shouted as he entered the room. _How anyone can be that peppy this early in the morning is beyond me, _the diva thought, taking out her notebook at a more sluggish pace to take notes.

Mr. Riesterer ignored the fact that no one answered his pep and went right into teaching. "Today, we're going to be learning about shapes." On the board, he drew an ice cream cone and then added numbers to it. At least, Mercedes thought it was supposed to be an ice cream cone… her teacher wasn't exactly the next Van Gogh.

"We learned that stuff in Kindergarten," a deep voice from the back called out.

Another low voice added, "Yeah. Do we _look _five to you?"

Most teachers at McKinley would just keep on teaching, without paying any attention to wisecracks. Mr. Riesterer wasn't most teachers. "Alright then, Mr. Smartass. I suppose you know how to find the rest of my delicious ice cream goodness, then? I'd like you to come up here and show the rest of the class what you learned during that short period between your naps, eating paste, and wetting yourself."

The one appointed 'Mr. Smartass' went quiet. He usually had a witty comeback for everything. The unusual childishness of his teacher threw off his game.

"Right then," Mr. Riesterer went on, "by the end of class today, we will have found the area, perimeter, radius, circumference, and diameter of my ice cream." He started to write something on the board and Mercedes started to zone out.

She was doodling away when she felt her pocket vibrate. They weren't supposed to have their phones on during school hours, but did they really expect a school full of teenagers to follow that rule? If they did, they must not have any common sense left. Mercedes pulled her phone out, making sure to hide it on her lap beneath the desk. She looked at the screen. It was a text from Kurt. Against her better judgment, she opened it.

_Hey. What's up? Are you mad at me about something? xKurtx_

Instead of responding, she placed her phone back in her pocket. If she wanted to do this right, and stay away from anyone who might prevent her from doing so, she'd have to cut off _all _forms of communication with them.

Geometry seemed to drag on forever. The glares and confused looks Mercedes had gotten from Kurt throughout the entire period must have been able to stop time, because usually first hour seems to fly by.

As soon as the bell rang, dismissing the class, Mercedes ran out of the classroom, hoping to avoid the brunet's questioning.

It was just her luck that when she got to her locker and tried her combination, it didn't work. "Mercedes!" She heard Kurt call her name and spun the dial on her lock faster, again and again until she finally got it. Unfortunately, it wasn't fast enough. Kurt was already by her side and shut the locker as quickly as it was opened. "Mercedes Jones! What the hell has gotten into you today? Did I do something?"

She huffed, and then put on a smile as she turned to meet her ex-best friend. "I'm _fine_," she breathed out slowly, and then timidly added, "do you think you could tell Mr. Schue that I won't be in Glee at all today, tomorrow, or at all in the foreseeable future, really?" She figured she should just come out with it. Second period was when Choir was. Maybe if she could get Kurt to tell them all that she wouldn't be there, she wouldn't have to speak to any of them.

Kurt's eyebrows shot up at the question. He didn't know what had suddenly brought this all on; Mercedes refusing to look him in the eye, Mercedes trying to ignore him, and the most confusing- Mercedes quitting Glee. Mercedes loved Glee and most of the people in it; everyone knew it. She had once told Kurt that they were like some kind of weird, messed up, family… but she loved them. It just seemed odd that she didn't want to be a part of that anymore. Something was up with Mercedes, and Kurt intended to find out what it was.

"Why are you quitting Glee? We were supposed to be in this together, right?" He made a move to put a comforting hand on her shoulder but she shrugged it off.

Mercedes, who apparently got crabby if she didn't start the day with a good breakfast to get her energy up-_God, how was she going to survive this starvation period without snapping at everyone?- _took a step away from the porcelain-skinned boy and sent him a glare. "You're kidding me, right?" she turned on her heel, getting ready to walk towards the library for her new free period.

Before she could take another step, Kurt grabbed her shoulder and turned her around to face him once again. "What's wrong 'Cede? I'm going to assume I did something bad to make you go off like that on me, and I'll get back to that later. You still haven't answered my first question yet, though. Why are you quitting Glee?"

She thought about it for a second, looking around as though the answer was just going to appear out of thin air. When her focus turned back on Kurt, she could tell he knew she was stalling, so she said the first thing that popped into her mind, "I've just got a busy schedule and it would be ridiculous of me to try and do everything. I had to cut back on _something. _And considering I'm not really needed in Glee Club right now, that's the thing to go. Sorry." Without giving him a chance to respond, she once again headed towards the Library; leaving Kurt to stare after her form.

_Not needed in Glee? Hell if she's not! _Kurt replayed her answer in his head, trying to read between the lines. _She's lying, _he realized soon after she was out of sight.

That was becoming quite a theme in her life as of late; lying.


	3. Let Me In

**UPDATE AS OF 11/30/11: Technology hates me. I had the next three chapters all typed up so there was less time between updates, and I guess my laptop didn't like that because it went crazy. Fortunately, before it deleted all of my programs/documents/pictures/music/vids/etc. I got most of it on my jumpdrive- including the three chapters. Problem is, now I don't have any of the programs I could use to type up more chapters/upload them onto ff. And even if my laptop would actually let me SEE any of the things I put on my jumpdrive, I'd still need one of those programs to upload them onto here with. So until I get a new laptop or figure something else out, this story will have to be put on hiatus.**

_A/N:_ So… I'm not even going to get into the latest episode of Glee. All I've got to say is, I'm really sick of Mercedes haters posting their hate in my damned tracked tag! If you want to hate on Mercedes and stand up for Rachel for the exact(justified) reasons I dislike Rachel and stand up for Mercedes for, than fine. Be wrong on your own beloved tag. Stay off of mine.

Oh, and I forgot to say this before. I'm basing some of this on the storyline I'm going off of for my Mercedes RP character on tumblr.

One more thing. If some of this doesn't make sense? Tell me. I was trying to focus on writing it during Glee. Yeeaaaaaah. Bad idea, Melissa.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Glee. Duh. If I did… Mercedes would have a harem.

**Chapter two: Let Me In**

By the time lunch came along, the entire glee club had been informed of Mercedes' decision and took their turns getting all the information they could out of her; which turned out to be nothing because she did a pretty damn good job of evading them. She was never where she was at those given times. Which is why they now sat at their lunch table, discussing the recent turn of events.

"I just don't see why she would do that without mentioning it ahead of time. Now we don't have enough people to compete at Regionals!" Rachel complained and then muttered, "some friend she is."

Tina rolled her eyes and took a bite of her sandwich. After wiping her mouth with a napkin and turned to face the girl. "Come on, Rachel. She's our friend. Don't you care about anything but yourself?"

The girl in question scoffed. "Of course I do. The whole team is going to suffer if we can't compete. I was only thinking about the team."

"Sure you were," the Asian retorted. "That's why your first thought was to blame her for quitting instead of wondering _why _she would quit."

"See, _that's _what I don't get." Puck piped in, "Why would she quit? She loves Glee- or at least I thought she did."

The rest of the glee club nodded in response. They had all noticed that too. Mercedes was one of the originals. She always stuck up for them. She even convinced them all that they should be happy that they found a place to belong- people to call family. It just seemed out of character that after all of that, she would just up and quit. There had to be something else going on… something that none of them had noticed while off doing their own things.

As the rest of the glee clubbers tried to figure everything out, Finn kept quiet, trying to comprehend everything. Not in the "what does that word mean" type comprehension, because he wasn't as dumb as people thought him to be. Instead, he was listening to everything that was being said and coming to his own conclusion.

Just as he wasn't as stupid as everyone thought, he wasn't as oblivious, either. While everyone was caught up in themselves, he paid attention. Finn wasn't sure why, but he was enthralled by one Miss Mercedes Jones. Always had been- well, since the beginning of middle school.

Before his growth spurt, he was quite the little pipsqueak. All of his classmates had already grown a little during the summer, but Finn was stuck at his same height. That's when he found out just how cruel the people at his school could be.

The kids in his class were quite terrible. They had done just about every horrible, cliché thing in the books. From spitting at him or tripping him- up and down- the stairs to shoving him as they walked by or tripping him without the stairs. The kids of Lima Middle School were ruthless.

Then there was Mercedes. She was always there to clean off the spit or pick him up when he fell. If she was present while it was happening, she would yell at the perpetrator and make him leave.

His favorite part, though, was seeing her flash him a small smile every time they walked passed each other in the halls. Mercedes' eyes would sparkle and her smiles always reached her eyes. It became one of his favorite things.

When they got older, Finn got his growth spurt that made him taller than everyone else. Size alone intimidated all of his former bullies and granted him his popularity and a girlfriend. That's when he started seeing less of the girl. He'd always try to spot her before or after school and in-between classes, but his new girlfriend, Quinn, had always required his attention when they were together.

Soon enough, he almost forgot that she had existed. Almost. Every time his new found friends would bully others in his presence, he'd think of her. He'd do anything in his power to make them go easier on their victims. He couldn't stop them completely, because then he'd lose everything he had worked so hard for… but he couldn't just sit around and let them do their worse, either. He had this haunting feeling that Mercedes would be disappointed in him if he did, and for some reason that didn't sit well with him.

Until he joined glee club in high school, she was just always there in the back of his mind. Once he became a part of Glee, she was there at the forefront, but he couldn't do anything about it. He had to focus on Quinn and football and not getting his ass kicked for being in Glee in the first place.

Then Rachel came. She was always so bossy and demanding.

He couldn't help to stop and observe Mercedes once in awhile, though. Something about her just always left him wanting to know more. She was so mysterious sometimes. He didn't know what her family was like, besides her dad being a dentist and having an older brother; he didn't know anything besides the basics like her favorite color- Purple- or her favorite movie- Dreamgirls. Sometimes he spent entire class periods staring at or thinking about her, hoping he would find something about her he didn't already know- which was probably why he didn't understand stuff that was happening in his classes; he was always paying more attention to the diva than to his teachers.

That is why Finn wasn't adding in on the conversation.

He had noticed a few things over the past few years of studying her. Like the fact that she got nervous every time she got up to speak or sing; like everyone was going to judge her. Sometimes when she's not paying attention in class, her mind seems elsewhere- and wherever her mind is, always makes tears come to her eyes. Or the rare moments when her smile fades and her eyes dull when someone mentions the way they look.

Now, he was just trying to piece everything together. _If girls are complicated, then Mercedes is like a jigsaw puzzle that's missing a few pieces, _Finn thought. _Harder to figure out without those missing pieces- harder, but not impossible._

"Whatever Wheezy's got goin' on… it ain't good. My fellow undisputed HBIC cares more about the club than Little Miss Big Mouth over here," Santana's statement brought Finn out of his thoughts.

He looked around, searching for Mercedes. She never missed lunch. Never. It was usually when she and Tina caught up on all of the gossip and drama. She liked being in the know, and hated when she was left out of the loop. She'd never miss an opportunity like that. Especially since she didn't get her daily fill of it during second hour. "Where _is _Mercedes, anyways?"

* * *

><p>Mercedes always prided herself on her ability to be stealthy; like a ninja- another thing people never noticed about her. That morning had been a fluke. If her damned locker would have opened in time, she could have dropped her books off and disappeared into the brain-dead of the hallway before Kurt had even seen her.<p>

The way she had evaded the other gleeks was a testimony of that. Where they knew she would be, was exactly where she never was.

It was an art… ninja artistry.

Right before lunch, she had found her way to the auditorium. Even if she wasn't in Glee anymore for the time being, she still enjoyed the thrill and sense of comfort she got from singing on the stage.

She walked along the edge, staring into the non-existent audience. Once she got center stage, she closed her eyes and imagined there was a full house, all eyes on her. Spotlight shining down on her every step she took. It was like her performance during the Night of Neglect, only better because she was thin and didn't feel self-conscious or insecure.

She opened her mouth and let her voice soar over the seats.

_What's the time?  
>Well it's gotta be close to midnight<br>__My body's talking to me  
>It says,' Time for danger'<em>

_It says 'I wanna commit a crime  
>Wanna be the cause of a fight<br>Wanna put on a tight skirt and flirt  
>With a stranger'<em>

_I've had a knack from way back  
>At breaking the rules once I learn the game<br>Get-up life's too quick  
>I know someplace sick<br>Where this chick'll dance in the flames_

_We don't need any money  
>I always get in for free<br>You can get in too  
>If you get in with me<em>

_Let's go out tonight  
>I have to go out tonight<br>You wanna play?  
>Let's run away<br>We wont be back before it's New Years Day  
>Take me out tonight (meow)<em>

_When I get a wink from the doorman  
>Do you know how lucky you'll be?<br>That your on the line with the feline  
>of Avenue B<em>

_Let's go out tonight  
>I have to go out tonight<br>You wanna prowl  
>Be my night owl?<br>Well take my hand we're gonna howl  
>Out tonight<em>

_In the evening I've got to roam  
><em>_Can't sleep in the city of neon and chrome  
>Feels to damn much like home<br>When the Spanish babies cry_

_So let's find a bar  
>So dark we forget who we are<br>And all the scars from the  
>Nevers and maybes die<em>

_Let's go out tonight  
>Have to go out tonight<br>You're sweet, Wanna hit the street?  
>Wanna wail at the moon like a cat in heat?<em>

_Just take me out tonight  
>Please take me out tonight<br>Don't forsake me - out tonight  
>I'll let you make me - out tonight<br>Tonight - tonight - tonight_

An unexpected applause brought her back to reality. "Why don't you ever sing songs like that in Glee? You'd kill 'em!" At sometime during her fantasy, Finn had come to sit in the middle seat of the front row and was now giving her a standing ovation. It wasn't like she didn't want him there… it's just that she'd rather have him there during the time her fantasy took place- when she didn't feel fat and disgusted with herself.

"Why are you here?" Mercedes let out a distressed sigh and sat on the edge of the stage. Finn followed suit, hopping up to sit right next to her.

"Because… you weren't at lunch. McKinley's resident diva and gossiper not there to hear the latest goings on? It's ridiculous and usually unheard of." It stunned Mercedes that Finn noticed she wasn't there. But then she just figured someone else had pointed it out and the momentary pause of her heart and loss of breath was back just as fast as it left.

After noticing her loss of composure, Mercedes resumed with her masquerade. "What? A girl can't get some rehearsal time?"

"Well… I guess, but if you quit Glee, why do you need to rehearse? Do you have something going on that you're not telling us? I mean, we're all kind of worried about you, Mercy."

Mercedes inwardly grinned at his little nickname for her. He was the only one that had ever called her that, and she kind of liked it. Like it was a personal endearment meant only for her by him.

She thought carefully about her answer. Despite her recent lying habit, she didn't like the thought of lying to Finn. Whether she was staying away from the New Directions or not, she was still in love with the guy. "I do have something going on. I promise, I'll be back to Glee once it's all over. But right now, I kinda wanna keep it a surprise. Don't worry about me, it'll all be fine." She reassured him, hoping it would be enough to keep him, and the rest of the club, off her back for awhile.

The five minute bell rang, signaling the need for both of them to get to class. Mercedes hopped off the stage and turned to Finn. "I'll see you around," she assured him while patting his leg before her nerves got the better of her and she immediately retracted her hand and started heading towards her next class.

"Mercy! Wait! We have next period together! Maybe I could walk you to-" But she had already disappeared before he could get it all out.


End file.
